I had a bit of a nervous break down yesterday; oops. I wrote in my real life journal, well I started a new "Guernica" notebook as the other one was filled to the brim with memoirs of my time abroad. Anyway, it felt nice but I felt like I was abandoning you, blogspot.

So here I am to "write" an update. I am dropping one of my classes, and for the past 3 days, moving back to the UK has been constantly on my mind. I have spoken to my parents about it and they have agreed to support whatever decision I make. I'm petrified, feel alone for the very first time in my life,(I've a bit of a reputation as a misanthrope who happens to be fiercely independent and despite my exterior, actually abhor human interactions), and am not sure that even if I were to choose Edinburgh (again) it would be the "right" decision.

I am swirling in this abyss of paper work and research and I've constructed this post it mountain full of lists and lists of why to stay or why to go, amidst it, my errands for the week. I hate that I am so indecisive. It terrifies me to think that despite all of these moves and adventures I somehow end up on, that I won't find happiness. Yet again, I'm still working out the semantics of that word in the corners of my brain.

Anyway, this song has been my salvation all of tonight; sung by this woman who used to be my IDOL when I was younger. I seriously adored her. So, I give to you, "La Vida Es Un Carnaval" by the one and only Celia Cruz, que descanse en paz.





xx